we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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