I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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