trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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