You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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