I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
