quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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