Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
