You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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