How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
