she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize