My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
