im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
