I hope mine doesn't look like that
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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