so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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