People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
