can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Randomize
