dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
