I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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