I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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