Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
