that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
