just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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