I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize