Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize