Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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