Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Randomize
