Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Randomize
