Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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