Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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