Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
