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• (616): View more from Michigan

  He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.

  Fav 2 1116 755

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• (646): View more from New York

  We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.

  Fav 5 3206 680

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• (856): View more from New Jersey

  i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's

  Fav 25 3079 826

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• (239): View more from Florida

  Missed another period

  (1-239): View more from Florida

  I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.

  Fav 10 1520 4012

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• (319): View more from Iowa

  This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone

  Fav 16 4004 1117

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood

  Fav 8 2005 1035

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• (407): View more from Florida

  I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"

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• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though

  (1-781): View more from Massachusetts

  21st birthday = success

  Fav 8 1837 846

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.

  Fav 4 687 1182

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on

  (1-970): View more from Colorado

  maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit

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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza

  Fav 1 369 135

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  They also submitted to my demands for pizza

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• (415): View more from California

  It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.

  Fav 1 91 6

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