Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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