i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
