the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Randomize
