I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
