I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize
