It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
