why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
