All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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