In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize