somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Drunk is a universal language darling
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