I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
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I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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