guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
