wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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