I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
