hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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