i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
