For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Everclear isn't food dammit
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
