Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
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