So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
