we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
