it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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