I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
There r osticjed everywhere
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
