he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
