My hair reeks of homosexuality.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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