Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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