I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
