Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
