best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
