Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
