I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
