I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
