remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
you have to choose: penises or morals?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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