As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
