my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
