last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
