apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
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