Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize