I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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