what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
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